Sex is all good. Sex is good. Sex is instrumental and fundamental in any sexual union. Sex is a religion. Sex is something many people can’t easily do without. Sex is used by many, as a negotiation tactic…. (I wonder how true all this is)…. Question is how many have ever negotiated for it? And safely, for that matter?
Many of us have fallen victim to this “trap” along the way including our homes (marriages), lodges, offices, schools, hospitals, jail cells, street corners, libraries, relationships, unions…the list is endless. But, have you tried asking yourself what goes wrong or what went wrong to get to this point?
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Here’s one simple truth about unsafe sex negotiations: THEY ALWAYS END IN REGRET AND MISERY!
Let’s take for example, the case of cross-generational sex and how its sex negotiations do happen. We have a 55 year old man, correct and a 19 year old woman, as well. Let’s assume that these two have been having repeated sex, at least 5 times a week with at least 2 rounds per day!
Another influential factor to keep into consideration is the unique needs of these two individuals. That calls for the teenage girl “wanting” to have that flashy phone and car, for her up-close time at the university and the old man, just trying his prove his “undying sexual prowess” to whoever cares to know.
This old man clearly a gap of need that “MUST” be filled up with the “right sand” and most times, shall set the terms and conditions upon which this “right sand” is to be filled unto the young girl’s life. Assuming this young girl isn’t the “sit-in-one-place” type and will stop at nothing to get what she yearns for at that moment; won’t she just give into these 10 rounds of “boring sex” just to get that iPhone or Blackberry 10?
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For the case of the marrieds, it’s a whole different story. This one actually involves DEATH at worst! Lets have the example of a young couple that has wide knowledge gaps on their Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights! We can have a man of 26 years and the woman of 22 years old! In most of our African cultures, women are not easily accommodated in “safe” sex negotiations, right? I would take it that this young woman may not even know that it’s her right to negotiate for safe® sex whenever, from whomever, wherever and for unlimited time! And assuming that her man capitalizes on this loophole “within the system” and ensures that if he’s to deliver on his sexual “promises” it has to be on his straight terms of “NO CONDOM USE and TRYING OUT OF ANY SEX POSITION” regardless of the feelings of the woman! It doesn’t need rocket science to tell you that in position, one may not survive contracting the killer AIDS plus the rest of the racket of the killer diseases that come with unprotected sex!
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Let me put it to you now: it’s EVERYONE’s right to be awarded audience and be listened to when it comes to matters of sexual intercourse and pleasure! No one has the right to deny you safe sex or the right to protect yourself from killer tyrants like AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
IF SOMEONE KEEPS ON TELLING YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU, THEY OUGHT TO COMPROMISE ON EVEN THE MOST SENSITIVE OF ISSUES LIKE YOUR SAFETY, CORRECT? I wouldn’t love to have to lose my person to something I could have prevented right from the start, don’t you agree?
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Many of us claim to walk the talk but come down to action; either our bodies or hearts are willing to walk down the road! I haven’t forgotten about those that swore never to use protection in their relationships or unions or transactions simply because they would be breaking their code of conduct.
Many of us, out there, are suffering in silence over this sensitive aspect of every form of sexual union but you must learn to stand up for what you want in life because no one will! We all have battles to fight and safe-sex negotiations are just ONE of them.
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Our cultural systems have to be checked and double-checked, as well. This goes out especially to those that still emphasize the male race being dominant over the female one! In truth, God created man and woman equal and with the same potential to achieve anything they want and desire in life.
“If am not ready to become a parent, why must you force me to?”
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Safe sex-negotiations are not a contest for power and must never be. They should be used as a stepping-stone to the build of a fruitfully meaning and fulfilling relationship or union!
GOOD LUCK as you negotiate for safer sex today!